Oh my goodness. I went to bed at like 2 oclock, and it's now 3:41, and I just can't sleep! I have been laying in bed, just rolling around, and thinking. Thinking about the movie I just saw (The Passion of the Christ), thinking about life, thinking about school, thinking about my family, my friends, thinking about everything.
So I decided that maybe I would get up, take some Benadryl to maybe clear my head (and hopefully make me a little sleepy), and play a game of Warcraft III to clear my head of everything. Instead, I took my medicine and checked my E-mail. Bad idea, because my Dad had sent my some pictures of my sister's birthday party and some pictures of me and my brother and sister at Christmas, which shoved me deeper into nostalgia.
I really miss my family. I can't wait to see them over Spring Break. I also can't wait until I go to Lake Gaston on Spring Break. Woohoooo! I'm really happy that I have the friends that I do. My friends back home, even though I am 5-6 hours away, they still make it a point to keep in touch with me. (Which reminds me, I need to call someone back who called me today while I was in class! Not right now, of course...)
School....I love it here. I need to try harder in my classes, though. I don't have any idea why I find them so hard. No idea at all... More than sometimes I feel disappointed in myself because I feel like I could be doing better. I had above a 4.0 in high school. I graduated 8th in my class. I come here, and I am barely pulling off a C. I think it's because I am overloaded with work, but how do other people pull it off? I just can't do it! I am taking significantly less credit hours this semester, and I still find it hard to keep up! I feel so horrible! I don't know, I think actually I feel worse about myself because I am afraid of disappointing my parents. As a matter of fact, I think that is a huge part of why I feel so bad about myself.
With my parents in such a tight financial bind right now, I feel like I am under pressure. I tell them every time I talk to them about school that I am trying as hard as I can, but somehow that doesn't seem like enough. I just wish there was a way for me to somehow express to them that I really am trying my hardest here, to find an internship, to keep my grades up, to gain an education... I wish that there were a way for me to know that no matter how I do, they won't be disappointed in me. I mean, no, that doesn't sound right at all. I don't know how to word it. I know that my parents will love me no matter what, yes, but I just don't want them to be disappointed in anything I do.
I feel like I have so much to say right now, but don't know how to say it...
I'm really glad that I have the friends that I do up here. Yes, I already talked about friends before, but I can't express it enough. Plus I was talking about my friends back home earlier. I know I don't have very many really close friends, but I'd rather have a few close friends than a whole bunch of people that barely know me.
I met Anthony when we were placed in the NLCF Apex music team together, which was a band that led this 2 hour musical worship session for our church one Friday night a month. We're on the Sunday morning team now. Bands are so fun, but music's another story... Haha, he has given me rides back to my dorm ever since the beginning. Me and my stupid lack of personal transportation. And VT and its stupid 20 minute walking distance to the on-campus parking lot. He's just been a great person to talk to and be around, I dunno what to say.
This year, Larry started coming to Tech. I've known him since I was in the 11th grade probably. Might have been 12th, though. Anyways, we worked at the Harbour View Grande theatre together. Those were good times, now that I look back on them. Of course, I'm never going to work at a place like that again. Those customers were brutal! But again, that's another story... Dude's had a rough start this year. He came here as a Computer Science major, and he's in the Corps of Cadets, to boot! At first he was yearning to get out of that hellish organization (the Corps, not CS), but somehow it got flipflopped, and he's in some International Business major or something. I don't remember exactly, he only mentioned it once. Good luck to him learning all those foreign languages...
And I'm lucky I got the roomates I did, too. On a sidenote, I'm starting to get sleepy now. This is a good thing. My roomate from last year, I actually just recently talked to him again. He had switched into Computer Engineering (same major as me) from CS, and he was asking for some help, but we ended up talking for like an hour about random stuff. He's also the one that introduced me to the Paintball Club here. My roomie this year is a trip, he's such a fun guy to be around. David always has something witty to say, no matter the situation. But he also knows when to take thing seriously. This year has definitely been interesting with him as a roomate...
I need a girlfriend, though. I'm lonely. =( It's been so long since I've been in a relationship...I miss having someone be there for me all the time. For some reason, I just haven't met very many girls here. All the ones I do are taken, or just not interested in me like that...or something. It's been a long time since I've seen any sparks fly...
And somehow my mind wandered to the subject of piercings, also, tonight. Dunno how. Weird... Anyways, I have always wanted to get pierced. However, I haven't for two reasons: it doesn't look professional in a job interview, and my dad wouldn't like it. Since you can't take body piercings out for a while, I wouldn't be able to take it out if I was gonna get interviewed for an internship. My dad prolly would get over it after a while, though, I think. After all, my brother is most likely getting pierced in a little over a year. He's gonna be 17 in June. Hopefully he gets a labret. He is contemplating getting a ring on the side of his lip, but I am really trying to convince him that the labret in the center just looks a zillion trillion times better! Anywayz, I want my eyebrow pierced. I want one of those barbell/stud things, not a ring. And actually I've been thinking (not too seriously....yet), about getting my (gasp!) nipples pierced. Noone can see them during a job interview! Muh-hahahaha... And plus, maybe when I start working out, it'll look good. Not sure 'bout that one, though. I decided that maybe, just maybe, if/when I get an internship secured, then I'll get pierced as a celebration (interview will be over!). We'll see what happens there, though. I'll deal with that as things come up. And how the heck did this end up being like the longest paragraph of the post? Maybe cuz it is so random and needs explaining...
I probably shouldn't end the post on piercings. So I'll say something like, omg I didn't get to play my game of Warcraft! And this is a really long post!
Zzzzzzzzz...
I'll have more to write, later, I'm sure. I'm just so sleepy right now, so I can't go on, even if I have so much more to say.
